PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:
[[If Your Heart's not in it]]
I'm missing you, girl even though u're right here by my side.
Cos lately it seems, the distance between us is growing too wide.
I'm so afraid that you'll say that it's over, it's the last thing that I wanna hear.
But if your heart's not in it, for real.
Pls dun try to take what u dun feel.
Cos if love's already gone, it's not fair to lead me on. Cos I would give the whole world for u, anything u ask of me I'll do. But I won't ask u to stay,I'll rather walk away, if your heart's not in it.
Still..let me share with u all a short short story. Extracted from chain email.
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no. She had heard enough.
As She walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....You're not pretty you're beautiful. I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die...
This is soooo sweet. Dun u think so? Hmm..where's my zhen ming tian zi...or maybe a solitary life... he's so near yet so far.. sobx.
The days are drawing closer.. I feel more empty too. Miss alot of frens...miss them so much. During sec 3 I already know I will miss them alot.. Just like how I felt in Primary 3. That one day we will leave and get on with our lives.
Quite fortunate to still be in touch with some.. I'll continue to do so. Why is our education system so cruel. After every few years we have to leave... make new frens.. then leave again.. guess that's just the way things go..Jia You!! Miss All frens! arhhhh T.T
Just cos I not happy with smth smth.. I slept at 6. OMG. 6! then got a call from mel at 8+ . Talked to her using loudspeaker ... sounded like a zombie. Had such a headache..got up from bed to see the time. Then head fell back to the pillow.
Oh man.. I just didn't want to do anything at that time.. wanted to continue sleeping...couldn't though.. was thinking thinking..of? of ..erm.. ya..alot of things. Haix..Wait.. I didn't have dinner..had lunch at 11+ ..and then at 9 I still didn't feel like eating. Protesting huh? was just intending to skip dinner and lie in bed till god knows when.
Then suddenly someone entered my room. OMG! no la.. sis.. she brought rice in for me..yea.. just eat lo. Felt so groggy.. couldn't even eat properly. Scooped rice into my mouth while I still lie like a zombie.. Chew chew.. couldn't taste anything. Bland. Either that or cos I was sick. Everything lost colour and taste. Finish that rice.. put it beside me.. eyes closed again. Sis came back to take my bowl..arhh thanks alot. slept too much..sian...
A song to reflect my feelings..[Untitled - Simple Plan ]
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
So I try to hold
onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done No I can't
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
Grrrrrrrrrrrr.........
I can't stand this anymore... is it my fault... it is it is...wat's wrong...everything's wrong.. I just want to scream.... scream out loud.....vent my frustrations....yet I can't post here wat is happening... Fine.. U want it this way.. I'll give it to u.. go ahead.. take it.
Gonna practice my skill again. Just MIA.. best is disappear from the face of this Earth. Live in solitary. yea...
My aunt was thinking of doing a mini business. She'll help to buy the first batch of products..then I'll sell it to frens who are interested.. So I'll be setting up another blog, just for that business^^. Hope it runs well ya.. most prob have stuff like Clothes, necklace, earrings, bags, bracelets, belts. Hmm but smaller quantity first la.. Hohox.. cheryl and I have bigger amitions.. turning it into a real business. But we'll start small first. Must support worx.. Will be posting the pics on the new blog ( which is not done yet ) then frens that is interested just drop a msg ya.. hahax..details..later!
Because Of You [Kelly Clarkson]
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hardI've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of youI am afraidI lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cryBecause you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fakeA smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly breakWhen it wasn't even whole to start with
Fish Meat Noodle! Strongly recommended! Slurp ^^ Weeee~ Swing! Aiya actually cos we can't reach the pull up bar grrrrrr. Woo~ at bb court.. field behind us~ Greenery! Okies that all~ actually have alot but dun think have space la. Thanks cheryl for the photos^^
something's missing in my life.. I dunno wat is it seriously. I've got almost anything an ordinary person can ask for...[[A shelter over my head, a nice family, education, food, clothes, bunch of cool friends, games....]] wat else.. wat is it that's missing..Hopefully I'll find it soon..yea..miss a whole bunch of ppl.. my ex-Ro guildmates...those crazy ppl that's still blackmailing me now. Our conversation is weird.
Me : "Where's AM"(an ex guildmate that left)
Ken : "In my pocket"
----------------------------------------
Me : "I'm scared of the exam paper"
Ken : "Why? It will eat u?"
Me : "Ya...T.T"
Ken : "Complain to the invigilator lo, then eat it before it eats u."
ZZzzzz kenny daddy ar..can't imagine u talking liddat to ur BB. lolx he wun haf time to see this blog.. bz playing online games if not working.. All the best punks /gg
~+* 私は逃す 私は愛する *+~
Went to Bedok reservoir with cheryl that grape, pei fang and chu xin today. Not bad not bad.. took MRT for 40 mins~ then a short bus ride. Alot of tents there.. but I feel it was overly-commercialised. Few schools took part.. and most booths there seem like they just want to sell their product. Unlike last few years when Environment Club took part, we promoted the 3Rs... and Tetra Pak products XD
Alot of nice flowers there.. very bright colours..sooo nice! And some booths were selling handicraft stuff.. like clay flowers. They are SO nice! look so real! Photos available at 4-8's blog ^^. Lol. But I didn't buy anything from there la.. why? Same reason. Dowan spend money. Gosh.. if all Singaporeans are like me.. our commercial sector will be doomed. Nvm I'm being thrifty ma hehex.
Then we went back. Hopped onto a bus.. and didn't get off at the correct bus stop -.- . luckily there was another MRT station along the way. Then we went towards Bugis cos I wanted to go to Sim Lim square. Had macs there.. yummy. *cos we were all too hungry and thirsty* Played a few games. I told them a story line.. then they guessed why was the ending like that. And I will only ans yes or no. Heard this from a council fren, very interesting. Cheryl not bad ar.. guessed it quite fast. Then we played the bang bang bang game with pei fang. And she didn't get it too. For goodness sake, how many will actually know how it was played *pif* but we told her at the end..
Sim Lim square.. not easy to locate. We went the wrong way towards Raffles Hospital, only to end up getting lost. Cheryl called her fren, then say got to see an OG sign. Finally managed to see.. and Sim Lim was blocked by that building. Ho ho.. it was so crowded on sat.Weee..ipod shuffle.. that man say since it's under warranty.. they'll trade a new one for me^^ *guess mine was beyond repair, so got to change -.- *
Left Sim Lim.. on the way back.. smth bad happened. Some F***er stole cheryl's phone. dammit. And he was so near us. Just cos the train was packed..from bugis to city hall and the phone was gone. Amazing. We suspect it's someone.. but no evident proof. Went with cheryl to the police post and made a report. The policeman took so long.. think we sat there for an hr. But still ok la.. He quite nice looking^^. Dunno why leh.. man in uniform look so cool. Haix... ppl do be careful with ur stuff. Some ppl are just so hard up they need to steal. Their hands should be chopped off. OOoops. Civilized country^^. I mean they should be brought to justice.
Anyways.. thanks alot to cheryl and pei fang for going with me to Sim Lim. I would have been lost without them ard =)
Ho Ho Ho...Took alot of pics in school today. ^^
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at the stairs~~
mei mei de hua~~ hehex
Cold dish - nice nice.. prawn..seasoned jellyfish, duck, octopus.. but something weird.. they included egg inside!! the egg seemed outta place ya..
Sour and Spicy Soup - Crab meat, mushroom and some other stuff. Taste a bit like sharksfin but it have a stronger taste.. and a bit spicy.. Special *2 thumbs up*
Braised Chicken in light soy sauce - rather a familiar dish.. not bad..
Vegetarian delight - O not my type of dish.. Mushroom, brocolli * it looks like small trees-.-*, black fungus, sea cucumber. I had a small mushroom, then gave my share to Abby.. High 5 joseph.. we dun like that dish. *he's strictly anti-vege*
Steamed Fish - forgot how it was prepared.. quite ordinary too
Fried prawn with honey and pepper - Yummy! this was nice.. but didn't really taste honey *and prawn was w/o shells ^^*
En Fu noodles - Er.. too many bean sprouts le la -.- lol I am picky about how vege are cooked.. So I took all those bean sprouts out..then ate the noodles. And everyone was like . . . pai seh lolx
Sea cucumber with honeydew - O it wasn't wat I expected. It was a few slice of sea cucumber in a "soup" made of blended honeydew. A bit yuckish at first due to the texture. But after a while it's ok..
Ok I missed out 2 dishes..they are.. I FORGOT! *gasp in horror* can't blame me la.. I just came back from the food tasting and came to update blog le.. So tired now.. yawn. there's lect tomolo.. will add on once I remember wat's that 2 dish.
NOOoooo! *nightmare* sobx... but can't help lah.. Who told me to have traded this holiday with a few weeks of slackness... I was sooo dumb. Yea dumb is the word to describe me. Short sighted.. only saw the "happiness" in front. Yet now I face the consequences. Take it as a lesson..
I should thank a few ppl here..Mel, Cheryl[both How and Teo] for being my "study-partner". Yea study together then will have motivation. Leave me alone.. god knows what I'll do. With a com around.. Goner.. Yup thanks to my "game-mates" too.. for the erm... enjoyment? hehex but I need to distant myself a bit. Yep one good method is not to include me in the games. I'll feel irritated for a while.. but a few mins later I'll have rather this happened. Cos u prevented me from playing again ^^.
[[ To Shinyu Jiyu Punks: Haix..bro ar bro.. dun scare me can anot.. U're my guardian angel leh..This blog's address was purely concidental.. Dun think that I... yea.. AND HOR... how can u gang up with that 2 PUnkS against me!! Ken ar...be daddy le..look after ur bb..dev ar.. concentrate on O's and ur dota ba =.= Dun blackmail me le hor.. I'm innocent...*whistles* Like real. LOL. I miss the times we had. Last june? when most of us still ard.. The guild channel will be flooded..And not forgetting dev's sudden intrusion and his pUnkI stuff. *DA WALL HAVE EARS* Whenever I think of all this my tears will just fall.. One by one we left.. Orc, darling, dev, AM, ken, ying, cas, me, bro.. this guild broke..but we're together in my heart.. AM.. u left without a word.. Hope u found ur happiness somewhere.. If u ever see this blog.. pls contact any of us ok? Pls....and thanks...
*signed in tears*
Digital Fortress - Dan Brown [[It was a scam. There has been no unbreakable code at all. It turned NSA upside down. It sent David Becker searching for a ring with an assasin trailing behind him. It made 4 men die. It allowed commander strathmore confess him love for Susan. It showed Tankado's will to save citizen's privacy. It started with him..ended with him. ]]
Nice book.. thrilling.. hint of sadness in the midst of all the chaos. *cheryl..it's a NICE book^^*
Next up, Angels and Demons.
Dear Diary [M2M]-
Dear Diary,Something good happened today
He finally called me by my name
I didn't know how to behave
What to say or do
I was so confused
Dear Diary,I wanna talk to him again
But whenever he is with his friends
He keeps trying to pretend
But I already see
The way he feels for me
What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show whenI really want him to know
Dear Diary,He wrote some letters on his hand
It wasn't hard to understand
I figured I'm part of his plans
But now I'm in his heartI don't know where to start
What can I do?Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show whenI really want him to know
You're my secret hiding place
Where my private thoughts are safe
And just one look and he will see
What's inside of me
But.. my parents,aunt and I went to Changi hocker center to find some yummy Food! Beef Hor Fun..hmm not bad. Then I had Traditional minced meat noodle.. ok ok only lar. Haix..today felt sick..headache+nauseous. Mum say it's cos of low blood pressure. Then maybe sometimes u peeps can agitate me a little, then my blood pressure will rise XD. Jk jk.. dun come make me angry.. YOU WILL REGRET.
Oppps. Hmm. Then we went to the changi beach nearby the SAF chalets. Quite a nice place...surprisingly empty for a Sun. Some ppl cycling.. *I dunno how to cycle YET* Went to soak our feet.enjoyed the sun..picked a few tiny shells. Arh but the water is not very clean o. Alot of black black...dunno wat. -.- Yup! A nice retreat I'll say. Came back, felt tired..took a nap. Then dinner time again~ Had food at a food centre nearby my house. PERSONALLY, I felt the Asam Steamed Fish not bad. 3 out of 5 stars. The toufu..2.5 out of 5. Cereal prawns..2.4 out of 5 -.-
Weird thing is..when aunt asked if I have a boyfren.. My mum answered no..Cos..I'm still a good gal. Diaox. Is that the reason? I dun think so. LOL. nobody wants ma.. wat to do..*sighhhhh*
Yea yea.. cos of my lousy results. Hehex. Mum and my teacher were so polite to each other..so formal. Made me felt uneasy. Almost laughed my head off when I recall how both can behave so hysterically..one in school the other at home. Yet.. the only solution given was, there's a tuition centre nearby. Hmm nice suggestion. near my school somemore. Will give it a thought. Then the conversation went sideways. It talked about Singapore's Education System, our Economy blah blah. Interesting o. Anyway thanks lao shi..u're really great =)
Best part.. go Lot 1 Eat Fish Ole!!! Nice burger there.. Sauce is special. With chilli taste weird though. Then I went Causeway..Supposingly to do project work. SUPPOSINGLY. Ended up eating with my frens.LOL. Then went suntec..got a few things done =.= Rode bus home alone.. 1 hr 25 mins.. 2 diff bus.. Freezing cold... Reached home.. u know wat happened next. I was at my com. yea .. that's one full day gone. Now.. I'm tired..
that's wat registers in my head..hopefully for now. Soul...empty. Mind.. blank. Tot I just had a wonderful walk? yea but.. to face a box with lights on everyday is killing me. I enjoy it though. Weird huh. Ppl who spends hrs facing a box can chat about everything under the sun with ppl on the other end of the cable. Yet unable to talk to someone looming in the same house everyday.
We smile to the box.. we can't smile to our family members that easily. Haix.. My free space left in my hard drive.. reaching 0. So I got to del somethings away.. some that I can't bear to..Virus is infecting it. It's gonna corrupt my whole brain. This virus is called...
[BEEJDUJPO] decode it? *it's not jumbled up, move the letter by one space*
Looking for anti-virus programme..I got one already...mum! yea she's blocking those virus..^^
Oh man.. went to MacRitchie with some punks today. Guess wat.. we walked for ard 2 hrs before we reach the bridge. Wat a sense of achievement arh...Road wasn't nice to walk.. but it's supposed to be liddat ma. Feel so nice to be in touch with Nature again. But never saw any animals though.. only butterflies. Buttercup will be nicer.
I think it was more than 4.4 km ba.. walk till leg quite tired. But I gained alot of things from this trip.. 1) a brand new look for my shoes *cos it's covered in MUD! ARGhh* 2) some new chinese words from the "jie long" game we played along the way 3) a stomache ache 4) A flu *wearing wind breaker at home now* 5) aware of a LAN game that existed in this world..surprisingly LOL.
Hmm after that went to westmall and had a DELICIOUSSSSS cup of Mocha ice-blended *wanted to drink that for a long time^^* then had 2 salmon sushi !!weeee! Yup really satisfied my stomach.^^
Special tribute to SSS for introducing me a game. Here it goes.."bang bang bang bang bang..who died" And someone will say I died.. or the person him/herself will say. This game.. LAN! *humph* I was guessing it on the bus.. All the way from MACRITCHIE to bukit batok.. To westmall.. To on the MRT back home.. To walking home..OMG OMG.. I knew it only when A super obvious clue was given. Felt like a COMPLETE idiot. *humph x 3* cos everyone except me and chuan knew wat's going on. And SSS just went banging ard.. I'm surprised no police went to catch him for terrorizing the public. LOL jkjk.. lax..
On the whole.. I really enjoyed this trip. really :D
Made another attempt today to travel to somewhere "unfamiliar" alone. To the mac at KAP!! lolz I know alot of u'll be saying chey..But hor..I've only been there once with a fren for goodness sake. Since young I got this lousy sense of direction. Taking geography for the past 5 years didn't improve much lol. Made many sms and calls to frens asking how to reach there :x thanks ppl ^^ yea weird thing is.. I like this feeling. Venturing somewhere "alone" with some help on the way. And the satisfaction after getting to my destination is sooo nice! Think all of us experienced this before? In some parts of our lives we just walk to somewhere.. sometimes out of our comfort zone and meet wat's still unclear infront. Exploring.. YEA!! that reminds me of thursday's trip to MacRitchie!^^ so excited.. *voice from above [ your exams.. study for it or you'll regret]. ZZzzz..ok ok..*
Just got back our result.. guess wat? I got a chance to re exam. How do I feel? Happy of cos.. cos it's a chance! and I really hope to pass this well. NATO.. always the case. Must get working.. saying it will not help. Must WORK!! get da pen and pencil!! hmm.. yet feel terrible.. I mean, look beside me. So many peeps are having holiday. My classmates were deciding wat jobs to take up. I was like . . . THEY have the time to work! Oh man. Council + re exam enough to kill this 2 months. Then it'll be 2006.. another terrible year I guess?
Yet.. I see some of my frens, whom didn't quite make it through. I dunno.. I'm not in a better position to "console" them. Yet it feels weird not to talk to them about it at all. *shrugs* Guess I'll wait for them to speak up first. Well.. Life is just so unfair. yea.. I'm speechless about it. The next WORSE even in my life coming soon. Mum is going to school to see my teacher... *cos parents of students re examing have to be spoken to* AARGHHH I'm going to be killed... soon.
[One thing I know for sure.. in future if my kid face the same problem, I won't say the same things my mum said to me. It's not terrible, just that she could have been a bit more supportive. At least I'll feel more home this way. I'll say..: "go on kid.. grap this chance.. I'll be here for you as long as u try ur best.."]
