PLEASE READ THESE TERMS: Tuesday, October 31, 2006Y
3:50 PM
Depression sets in. Urgh. Memories been flooding back this few days. From the start of my childhood, all the way till now... its soo bad I can't sleep at night. Ok crying to sleep helps abit.When I was young, we (my family) used to live beside my uncle house. 2 families living so close to each other was a blessing. Can still vividly remember my 2 younger cousins asking us homework at the doorstep. And sometimes we can see them bullying each other, the older one pulling his sis hair, the sis using cloth pecks to clip his ear. Grandpa was a very hardworking guy. Never fails to wake up early in the morning to water his plants and trim it. (we had a row of plants along corridor) He doted alot on us. When my bro and 1 first went to primary school, he walked to school to check if we could buy food for ourselves. And he'll always sit at the canteen benches and ask if we had enough money. 50 cents at that time was alot. His love for us was priceless. While we take schoolbus back, he'll walk back after he made sure we got on the right bus. Alas, he got cancer from smoking, and passed away when I was P3.
Life was simple yet wonderful. Though our income could only afford the bare minimum, no one complained. Toys are simple yet shared happily among my siblings. I couldn't remember dad being around most of the time. At that age, the only conclusion I had was that he just had to work. Never did I know he was taking 2 jobs that time. Luckily we were quite good kids, and didn't trouble him with any behaviour problems. When there was still afternoon session in Primary school, I woke up early almost everyday to see my dad go to work. No idea if I was a good actor, but I sensed him coming to the room. Then I'll pretend to be sleeping and he'll sometimes ruffle our hair before he goes off. Once I hear the closing of the wooden door, I'll stand beside the window and see him go up the lorry, since the carpark is the open space type and the view can be seen from my window clearly. All this years he've been fetching me to school. Even up till now. Even when school ends ridiculously late (like 10) for events like orientation, night study programme he still came to fetch me home straight after his work. How many dad bothered to do that. One thing I haven done yet, is to tell him how much I appreciated all these.
Mum too. Been working hard as a housewife, all the chores and trying to manage us. We had our own flaws, not things like stealing or skipping school or be rude to teachers. But we kinda dun like to tidy our stuffs. I remembered fetching sis from her kindergarden when we were still living in jurong..those days..Now, she's still same as usual (though have been helping aunt to look after her kids for quite a while and now they're in shanghai). Watching more shows, umm and sometimes we just like to critisize certain actors for the way they act and all that. Just some free self-entertainment lol.
Sec school passed kinda fast. Maybe that's cos there wasn't any pressure at all. School wasn't a prob, more like meeting frens and socialising. If I understood bro that time (when he was in JC), I'll be a bit more caring. (cos jc life is so fast paced) It didn't dawn upon me before where the heck my parents get near thousand of dollars every start of the year for our textbooks. To me it was just bringing the list there, and bringing the books back (and mum will do the packing hehe) Just a few months ago (or was it year) it slipped out of my dad's mouth. No wonder. He worked 364 days a year. that 1 day of holiday was chinese new year. What about labours day or mc? nah. He "sold it" to get more $$ for our textbooks. Really wanted to cry my heart out when I heard it. Urgh.
Ok life now is a lil better. He's still slogging, mum still nagging at us to pack our stuff. My siblings and I are still game freakos. Oh mentioning game, aunt chipped in alot to buy our first com 7 years back. Thanks so much. She helped alot, chipping in here and there whenever possible. I miss her and her family esp those kids coming to our house. The noise lvl is so low now. Used to it but it feels so empty. Faith used to be sleeping when I reach home. she'll be lying on her bed and if she's awake She'll help me take the keys. Ian would be watching some cartoon and be so engrossed in it.
Why am I thinking of all this. Can't help it la.. more reflective now. Holiday started. Can't waste it like the previous few. Will plan what to do soon. (hopefully real soon)
